“Still a Child” – A Caregiver’s Song

Last week, I received an email from Bakhus Saba, a caregiver who wants his song to be heard. Nine months ago, he placed his mother in a retirement home. She has Alzheimer’s disease, and he had lived with her for all of his 52 years and been her caregiver for seven years. He wrote “Still a Child” together with John and Michele Law, about what he went through as a caregiver when he placed his mother in full-time care.

Here is John Law singing “Still a Child.” The full lyrics are posted below the video.

Still a Child

If you knew what I was going through,
You’d approve of what I had to do.
Putting you away for the rest of your days,
Plays on my heart and it tears me apart

I walk away with you on my mind,
It’s killing me to leave you behind.
You’re begging me to take you home,
But I feel so guilty because I leave alone.

Chorus
Cause I’m still a child when I look in your eyes.
And it make me cry and it make me cry
Now every hello feels like I’m saying goodbye
Goodbye goodbye goodbye

If I could have you back for one more day.
Would you reassure me what I’m doing is okay
Would you comfort me and ease my mind,
Cause only you can help me find my way

Personally, I find this song to be very moving. I am struck by how the musical accompaniment sounds like a lullaby – as intimate and caring as it gets – and by the gut-wrenching repetition of “goodbye” in the chorus. I am so grateful for Bakhus’s willingness to open this window into the experiences he is having as a caregiver. I asked him what it took to write this song, and he said that Michele Law actually asked him to write a song from his perspective as a caregiver a few years ago, but it took the experience of placing his mother in long-term care to be able to write this song. Here’s what he said:

“After placing my mom in long term every emotion and feeling that had built up just poured out of me in this song. I do believe my mom somehow found a way to communicate this song to me. In her own way she wrote it for me. That was the hardest thing I have ever had to do and will ever have to do in my life.”

Bakhus wants to raise awareness about caregiving, especially for those with Alzheimer’s disease. For that reason, this song is for sale on CD Baby, with all profits going towards Alzheimer’s research. Buy the song here.

Please share this song with those that need to hear it. Then, come back here and leave a comment on what you thought about this song. I’m sure Bakhus Saba and the Laws would appreciate the feedback as well.

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13 thoughts on ““Still a Child” – A Caregiver’s Song

  1. Bakhus Saba says:

    Thank you Rachelle for the support and getting behind our song, I have had so many e-mail replies on how Still a Child has touched caregivers and just loved one’s in long term care. If you can can and all the listeners of our please find me and the Laws on facebook to become a friends Thank you Bakhus Saba email bakhus.saba@century21.ca

  2. Andrea B. Goldberg, LCSW says:

    Wow, Rachelle. This is a very powerful song. Thanks for sharing it.

    Thanks to Bakhus for sharing his struggle in such a moving way and thanks to the Laws for donating their talent for this good cause.

    Warmly,
    Andrea

  3. Emily says:

    This song brings so many memories of putting my dad in a facility. Those weeks were some of the most gut-wrenching of the whole experience. I’ll share this song w/ my mom. I think it will give voice to some of her feelings. Thank you Bakhus and Rachelle for sharing.

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